So very insecure

So very insecure...and I'm crying my eyes out here. We have so little time to meet, and he seems so uncaring these days. Im not sure if I'm losing it. his love. Maybe I am just not on his priority list these days.

Actually I am just very insecure because he doesnt do any thing to shwo people that he is attached, is that a crime? No of course not but its just that i am insecure about it. He doesnt have our display pic on his facebook, he doesnt call me baby, dear on his facebook. He's like all secretive abt it. I duno. Im kinda losing it with him.

Today I saw him response positive to a butter factory event with his classmates and that just started everything, I cant stop crying. i feel so upset! The thought of him partying with other girls and being so nice to them just tears me apart inside. It's so stupid. But I feel so insecure, what do I have? Just his word that he loves me. Has he shown anything? No he hasnt at least not these days.

When Sam was sick, KL sent her flowers, for their first anniversary, he gave her a Ferragamo bag...and then yes its true that I get so little from him. I wait so much and hope so much and anticipate the good future with him, but it is true that now, I get no where. We scrimp and save just because he cannot afford it. I feel unloved. He hasnt initiated a i love u in ages. He has made absolutely no tangible committments just words. Words. What are words. They are free. No strings attached. He takes so long to reply to my smses. I duno, i feel so upset. and yet at the back of my mind, I know perhaps its just that i am too possesive. I should let him go. Let him go do what he wants. Because if it's me he loves, he will always come back. And I should trust him.

But that doesnt stop me from being utterly upset now. I wish someone could make me feel better right now and just stop me from crying.